told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
COCAINE IS GR8
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
