No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
