how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
