Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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