About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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