just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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