i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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