32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
