i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
