So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
