tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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