Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
