you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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