Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Bang-toberfest begins!!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Randomize
