It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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