Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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