just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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