I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
