I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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