what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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