Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
