Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
