It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
