I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
