come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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