we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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