She is in my trunk
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
