Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
