i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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