your parents love me but you hate me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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