Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
