he thought i was a dude.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
