I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
MIDGETS
????
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
