I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
