I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
