I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize