hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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