Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She made me pour olive oil on her.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
