Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize