just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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