Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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