fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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