My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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