Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
