Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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