I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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