SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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