I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
