The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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