My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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