woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
