You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
