Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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