Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
