Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
