so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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