i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
