Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
