He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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