maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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