Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
