i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
